Day 5

today I tried a raw soup that was pretty good. red peppers, avocado, jalapeno, garlic, onion,salt and a bit of water...I actually enjoyed it. The good new is that this detox is so uneventful I don't even have anything to write about. I feel great, happy and calm. The best thing so far is the peaceful relationship I have had with food this week. Normally, I am always thinking about where my next "fix" is going to come from. I think about it literally all day long. Because I have had stable eating, I have been just that, stable. I can eat a meal, feel full and satisfied. I get up from the table and can move on in my head. There is no guilt because I over ate and no anxiety because I did not eat as much, or what I wanted, and still am resisting. I have peace about it really and truly. I remind myself this is day to day, I may feel different tomorrow and I will not live in perfection. My relationship with food is a journey, we need to be partners and friends. I hope we can redefine the terms of our friendship, a little more give and take...and ultimately I want healing. I want to have a true perception of myself, and of the food I eat. Not just truth but love. The honest question for me to end with is "can I love myself enough to take care of myself and give myself grace?" I don't know. God help me.