failure

I am driven by a fear of failure and need to write about it. My friend texted me to see if I wanted to run tomorrow morning. That is the first time I have been asked since I had Marion. I have been telling myself I am going to get going but somehow my self motivation has not been enough to get me out the door. Fear...fear of not succeeding, fear of not reaching my marathon goal, fear of being too fat to run, control my life. So when I was asked directly to run, my stomach dropped. Can I do it? Now I am being confronted and have to make a choice. I texted her back "yep 7am at goodale" It is on. This same fear of failure that makes me feel so weak physically prevents me from trying so many different things in my life. I recently have taken on a small business pursuit and I am about sick about it. I really want to let it go. I ask myself what if this is a waste of money and time? what if I don't have what it takes to make it happen? Again, this fear is enough to make me want to quit before I even start. So the question I have to ask myself today is "what is success and what is failure for me"??? Right now success will be going for it. I am going to "run" tomorrow and let this be the metaphor for my life. I am going to try the small business...my life must be a continuous learning curve. Come what may. I want to know that whether I have "success" or "failure" I always tried. I have to see it as that. I will face my fear and do it. I need to show myself that I can do things whether or not I am good at them. So for now I start with running. There are SO MANY other areas to do this in but for today it is running. Now I wish I had not written this because now I have to do it AAAGGGHH !!! I love life and vulnerability.