Monday, July 9, 2012

birthday

I had the most intentional birthday this year! It was just how I wanted and I know it was a good one because I am over the celebrating and ready to move on tired and content. It included cake and presents with the Meyers family on the fourth of July Date night to Harvest Pizza and Moonrise Kingdom with my wonderful husband Sat was an all girl dinner party where we shared a lengthy, leisurely meal around the table starting at 6pm and I fell into bed around 12pm. It was full of life, great conversation and laughter. It was just as I wanted it to be. I was intentional with my friends. Reading a "speech" and offering the encouragement to them that I always desperately need. they of course reciprocated beyond measure. Below is my monologue. It is about my 33rd year. It has been a great year full of changes inside and out. July 7th 2012 I have spent a significant amount of time in my adult life heaping judgement, bitterness, and unforgiveness on those around me because of my own insecurities. I could not reconcile that I am loved, and I have not been receptive of God’s love. In order to have validation I have continually sized others up in relation to myself. I could never be good enough, I have always strived to be better, to be more... somehow trying to create a false sense of greatness. In this there has been no room for others. When you constantly judge yourself in relation to another you cannot truly give or receive love. This past year I have been going under major reconstruction of my understanding of myself and reconciliation between myself and God. As I have begun to open myself to Him again, I am experiencing new life. I am accepting my imperfection as God accepts my imperfection, I am finally allowing myself to accept that God and others actually love me for who I am, flaws and all. I do not need to prove my worth. God is good. It is worth saying again, God is GOOD! He loves us. Because of all this, tonight I want to speak truth to each of you. Each of you is an important part of my life and have become an integral part of my story. In general, I am not comfortable with being vulnerable and expressing what you truly mean to me. There is no room for anything but honesty and truth. I fell like I am starting to see through the bullshit and and remembering that I have courage to speak truth . And truth is, that you my friends are gifts. We cannot always see how amazing we really are and it is an important part of the body of Christ for us to speak into each others lives, to call each other forward to be the amazing women we are, but often refuse to see. I have written to each of you today to remind you of who you are and to remind you of how you speak into my life. As I wrote I prayed. I prayed that God would help you have grace for yourselves, that He would help you to accept the gifts he has put inside of you to bless His world. In return I ask that you do the same for me. Remind me of what God is doing and has done. I love each of you so much and I want to help perpetuate a culture of Truth, honesty and reconciliation amongst ourselves. Forgive me for the times I have been proud, gossipy, condescending and judgemental. The words I have spoken out of bitterness were nothing but a display of my pain. May God help me to love you well, to remind you that you matter and what you say and do here matters. My biggest prayer is that together we can share with each other in offering God’s hope, restoration and rebirth to His very broken creation. If that is not what it means to be alive, I do not know what else there is.

1 comment:

  1. This was awesome Kelsie. In my discipleship group we just had a conversation similar to this the other night. God gave us our female friends to be completely real with and we all struggle to embrace this amazing gift. I am so glad he is teaching the same things. Miss you.

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