the restart

this summer has been hitting the reset button and trying to figure out what the heck I think, who I am, and where am I going from here. Suffice it to say there are no answers but the qustions in my head and heart are pushing me in a direction, which is better than the circles I feel I have been spinning in for about 5 years. For the most part I have been present to little outside of my home and kids this summer. It has been welcomed. I feel by going inside my head and heart I can soon emerge with clarity and strength and above all honesty. I have had my sister here this summer and we have wrestled with the past as it has shaped us, who we have become as family and individuals...and now I am left with the question where do I go from here? I want a firm foundation beneath my feet to stand on. I want a firm bridge to walk across as I walk hand in hand with each of my children to their various destinations. I want clear vision and purpose to in still into my children so they have a safe place to ask their own unanswerable questions.

I wept as I ran and heard the lyrics to this mumford and sons song Friday morning...it was meant for me that day.

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I'm afraid of what I will discover inside

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I've seen

Stars hide your fires,
These here are my desires
And I won't give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

Below is the line that got me:
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his Holy name.