you know you are on your fourth pregnancy when you are searching to read everything online about how many weeks you are...only to skip the whole part about the baby's development and try to figure out when YOU will FEEL better. I am really excited about the fourth addition to our family, not so excited to go through another pregnancy. In fact, right now I just feel trepidation about the pregnancy, the birth, and the first 3 months of the baby's life. With your first (and maybe your second and third) there is this novelty about the beautiful thing happening inside you. For me now, I am so overwhelmed by the three that I have at ages 5,3,1. I just am not even in survival mode, but desperation mode. I have to get through the day so that I can get through the next day. It sounds melodramatic and trust me I feel as melodramatic as it sounds. I am in my 13th week and every day I wake thinking, "will I feel better today?" The answer every day so far has been, a little. Yes today will be a little better than yesterday and tomorrow a bit better than today. I hope.
I met with a few women the other evening who had all had home births previously. They re-inspired me temporarily. It was good to be in their company and hear their stories. One thing we talked about a lot was diet. In particular a high protein diet (80-100 grams daily). I crave protein all the time, I did with all of my pregnancies. They have all been healthy and good. It is just fun to focus on specifics this time. We will see.
Kyle took the boys to Ironton last night so Mags and I had last night and much of today by ourselves. We had a good time together. She was so well behaved and happy and again I realize how much individualized attention she needs. We walked around the mall last night, had breakfast together at Tommy's, folded clothes, and napped. The girl never left my side not even during sleep. As soon as the boys were home she had her first melt down. Hmmmmm, girls (self included) are so needy. How do I make her feel unique and special in the middle of the group?
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